tonight, i watched a video from wikileaks on the atrocities and of collateral murders by US soldiers. it was difficult to watch. as i grew older, i was getting more adept at being too self serving to care about other people, people who had families, who had a life( like i did ). afterall, what can i do?
it was a long while that i grew up feeling undeserving,having soliloquies with myself about existentialism, beating myself up for being where i am,and of who i have.for all the times that i may be envious of others, there are times more often than not that i know,deep inside, i am very much more privileged than others-to have a choice at where i am,of who i am,of who i want to be,whilst others are indiscriminately,dying and suffering at where they may be, who they are ,who they may ever be, all without a choice.
why am i more deserving that others to have what i have?
why am i not in their place?
i cant get pass the realisation of life being just a fancy clockwork of the puppeteer and his puppets-we being the helpless puppets.i am not implying here, that god is the puppeteer neither am i ever going to subscribe to nietzsche’s nihilism.what i am struggling here,tonight, is the selflessness of man- the specks of dusts in an infinitum, to ever make a difference, to ever make life or,for that matter, death worthwhile.
